


you crept into my heart, fraction by fraction

by peraltiagoisland



Category: Brooklyn Nine-Nine (TV)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-01-08
Updated: 2017-02-20
Packaged: 2018-09-15 17:36:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 10,013
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9248591
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/peraltiagoisland/pseuds/peraltiagoisland
Summary: "Hey Amy- if you were a triangle, you'd be acute one. How's that?""Jake, for the last time- stop it with the math pickup lines and focus." Amy scolded, but the slightest blush crept up her cheeks, threatening to give her away."I am focusing, Ames. I mean- the fact that I used the word acute means I know what it means!"-Tutor AU. In which Amy is assigned (i.e. accidentally volunteers) to be Jake's departmentally provided math tutor. (Set in Season One, before The Bet.)





	1. if you were cos^2 and i were sin^2 we would be one

**Author's Note:**

> first and foremost, i just want to say that this entire fic is inspired by @startofamoment who made the tutor AU photoset and a bunch of other really great and awesome photosets that you can like and reblog here: http://startofamoment.tumblr.com/tagged/b99-au
> 
> she also contributed great ideas and listened to me ramble about fic ideas so she's fantastic

The recent years brought about a new nemesis for the NYPD. Not that the NYPD generally had nemeses, but there was a new jewelry thief in town that had been deemed The Riddler. The Riddler had robbed over fifty jewelry stores, twenty pawn shops, and once- even a small private museum, and had been active for over two years.

This was The Riddler's Modus Operandi:

They would hit up an establishment- any place that sold jewelry was game. And of course, they would steal a bunch of jewelry. Always at night after the store closed. Any camera on scene would only catch a single person dressed entirely in black such that they could not be seen. The thing was, whenever there was a camera in the jewelry store, it would always capture a seemingly different person each time. Before the camera got spray painted black.

_"Oh, come on. It's not 'a different person each time'! Who keeps letting these amateurs investigate one of the coolest jewelry thieves to ever hit Brooklyn in the last decade?" Jake sighed as he gripped the case file._

_"Stop looking at case files from other precincts, Peralta. Or have you already said goodbye to your car because you've lost all hope of beating me?" Amy taunted as she set a cup of coffee she had brought back for Jake from her coffee run on his desk._

_"No- just look at it Santiago. The heights of the people in the surveillance footage always range either from 5'3-5'5, or 5'10-6'. Obviously they're wearing insoles or something to alter their heights. It just looks like two people disguising themselves to look like different people each time! In some of these, they're even very obviously wearing fat suits. The rest of the time? Just thicker clothing. And the different hair lengths and styles that for some reason are the only parts of the head not covered up? Those are just to throw the police off the fact that they're wigs! Whether there were more than two accomplices should be out of the question, right?"_

_Amy found herself agreeing with Jake. "Yeah, you're right. But then again, there's a possibility that only two of multiple accomplices are showing up on camera, or maybe two of the perps in the footage just happen to be of the same height and build. You can't expect cops in other precincts to think like you, Jake."_

_Jake smirked, crossing his arms. "Except they should think like me. Because I'm awesome and an amazing detective." Amy rolled her eyes. "Case in point? I'm up by two, Santiago."_

_Amy chuckled heartily. She had been waiting for him to say that, wanting him to brag about his supposed lead so badly. "Are you sure about that Jake? Because guess who just arrested four muggers that have for some reason been working and living together? It was like finding treasure when I trailed one of them back to his apartment after he mugged one of my C.I.s right before our meet up."_

_Jake was shell-shocked by this. "You didn't!"_

_Amy crossed her arms and leaned back slightly against Jake's desk with as much confidence as she could muster. "Oh yeah, I so did. I was there to give my C.I. a handwritten thank you note. So I guess you're no longer the one that's up by two, Peralta."_

_Jake immediately jumped out from his desk, making a beeline for Captain Holt's office._

_"Captain! I need more cases-"_

_"I already checked, Jake." Amy interrupted, causing Jake to turn around and look at her. "There are no new cases. Better luck next time, sweetie."_

_Amy was just about to walk away triumphantly when Jake's face lit up with glee and his eyes and mouth dropped open in ecstasy._

_"Did you- did you just call me 'sweetie'?"_

_Amy's face fell. Crap crap crap._

_"No, I just-"_

_"Attention everyone!" Jake yelled out, cupping the edges of his mouth with his hands to amplify his voice. And like always, he got everyone's attention. "Amy Santiago just called me 'sweetie'! And yes, it is official. We give each other pet names now!"_

_Amy groaned as people around the precinct gave them a round of applause. Amy could hear Gina's laughter clearest directly behind her and out of spite, Amy turned around to frown at Gina._

_"Why are you laughing at me? You've called Jake 'sweetie' a bunch of times!"_

_Gina reached out and petted Amy on the head, messing her hair up in what seemed to be a very deliberate move. "Oh Amy, Amy, Amy. I call Jake 'sweetie' when he's being a precious idiot. But you used it as an intimidation technique of some sort to psyche him out or whatever, and it totally backfired. That's why this is hilarious."_

_Amy could only sigh and go back to her desk. For the next week, Jake only addressed her by the most ridiculous of pet names._

_"Hey honey! Have you solved that murder yet?"_

_"Sugar, guess who just arrested five dudes for possession and distribution of narcotics! Yeah, I'm winning again! Aren't you proud of me, sweetheart?"_

_"I bought you coffee, darling! Aren't I the best?"_

_Yeah, even when Jake was doing something nice for Amy that week he would work in a pet name or two out of some sort of spite. It gave Amy mixed feelings but once Captain Holt heard Jake call Amy 'butter' he put a stop to the pet names immediately, even making sure to ban the usage of pet names in the station. Especially ridiculous ones that made no sense, which he emphasized to Jake._

_"Peralta, 'Lettuce' just isn't a pet name. You can't use all food names as terms of endearment, no matter how close you feel to Detective Santiago."_

_"For the record, I did not authorize Jake to refer to me by pet names."_

_Jake made an unpleasant face at Amy. Which prompted her to make a similar face back as revenge_

_"My point exactly. No more referring to people in the office by 'pet names', Peralta. Especially not names like 'carrot'. Where do you even come up with this stuff?"_

_Jake shrugged. "I was running out of pet names. Had to get creative."_

_Therefore, Amy's favorite morning briefing ever was when Captain Holt banned Jake from calling her any pet names for... well, permanently. It was especially enjoyable since she got to sit right next to him and watch Jake's face contort unpleasantly as he got chewed out by Holt for five full minutes._

_Although... after a while Amy had to admit Jake's stupid pet names for her were kind of funny and she weirdly missed them when Jake stopped coming up with the strangest of pet names for her._

_Hell, she even missed him calling her 'cupcake'. And she had literally flinched when he first used it._

Anyway, what made The Riddler different from the average, run-of-the-mill jewelry thief was that The Riddler always returned some of the jewelry they stole. Yup. The Riddler had earned their fame by sending NYPD officers on scavenger hunts to look for whatever stolen jewelry the thief or thieves wanted to return. This was done by leaving clues, often in the form of riddles, which led to different locations. Sometimes The Riddler would leave a clue to a very specific location where they hid the jewelry. Other times, they would leave a clue to a rather large location, sometimes an entire building, once even the zoo. And the police would have to turn the place upside down looking for stolen jewelry.

Whenever The Riddler ended a 'scavenger hunt', they would always leave a note with the last piece or pieces of jewelry that said ' _I'm done, that's all you're getting this time_.'. Sometimes these 'scavenger hunts' lasted days, sometimes they ended way too quickly. There were a few occasions where The Riddler would just leave only one clue to one location where they left all the jewelry they were planning on returning and the note would be there, causing the cops to call it quits.

But no matter what, The Riddler always left behind some jewelry, and no one could ever figure out why. Some detectives that had investigated The Riddler theorized that The Riddler enjoyed the game, the thrill of making cops do their bidding. Others were too busy trying to catch The Riddler, waiting for them to slip up and make a mistake, to care about why they played and orchestrated such games. However, no one had ever succeeded.

_"Holy crap, The Riddler hit a jewelry store in the Nine-Seven! Ugh, stupid Nine-Seven, I wanted to catch The Riddler!" Jake groaned as he read the latest case file for The Riddler, who had struck again._

_"How do you keep getting case files that we're not supposed to even know about?" Amy mused in confusion._

_Jake winked. "I get around."_

_Amy grimaced. "What's that supposed to even mean? You sleep with someone from every precinct in exchange for information?"_

_"What? No! That's gross, Ames, and a huge waste of my time since that's like, thousands of people I'd have to sleep with. I have a job where I solve crimes, Amy. I can't just spend my days sleeping around."_

_"You terribly miscalculated the number of precincts in New York. Also, how was I supposed to know? You winked!"_

_"I wink for a lot of things I don't mean to imply!_

_Just then, Rosa walked over. "What the hell's going on?"_

_"Oh, nothing much. Amy's just accusing me of using my body to exchange case secrets with people from the other precincts. Which is honestly a fair assumption, since I'd make an amazing prostitute. I mean, if I ever decided I wanted to take it easy instead of being an awesome, crime-fighting, handsome-"_

_"Get to the point." Rosa interrupted as she sipped her coffee._

_"-I'd just be a prostitute and become a millionaire."_

_Amy scoffed. "Yeah, right. Like you could become a millionaire by prostituting yourself."_

_"Oh please, Amy. Like you wouldn't pay a fortune for a night with this." Jake enunciated, using his hands to gesture up and down his body._

_Rosa said nothing, but continued to look amused._

_"Okay- I'm not even going to touch that anymore."_

_"I'm not even going to touch that anymore- name of your sex tape! Seriously Amy you're like just, handing these out to me. I'm not even working for them anymore."_

_Amy rolled her eyes. "I'm just going to ignore that and get back to something you said in the first place since we got seriously sidetracked- what makes you think you can catch The Riddler?"_

_Rosa almost spat out her coffee. "Dude, you really think you can catch The Riddler? How much coffee did you drink today?"_

_Jake's smile twisted slightly as he was barraged with supposed negativity. "I mean- who doesn't want to catch The Riddler?"_

_"I don't." Rosa said almost immediately. "Too much drama for my taste. I mean, what kind of loser sends the police on scavenger hunts? Losers with no lives, that's who."_

_"And that attitude Rosa, is why you'll never catch The Riddler."_

_"Still don't care."_

_Jake bit his lip. "Anyhoo- to answer Santiago's burning question, here's why I can catch The Riddler: One, I have the most arrests out of anyone in this precinct-"_

_"Um, try second, Jake. Because as of this afternoon, I have one more arrest than you." Amy downed the rest of her coffee, throwing it into the trash and watching for Jake to make that constipated face he always made when she had just one upped him._

_"Damnit! Not again- why do you keep doing this?" Jake cursed as he slammed the case file shut._

_Rosa just laughed, leaving when someone called her for something work-related._

_"Maybe if you stopped looking at cases that don't belong you, you wouldn't be doing so poorly, Peralta. Also, you're not going to catch The Riddler because- I'm going to catch The Riddler."_

_Jake looked up. "Say what now?"_

_"Mmhmm. I mean, aside from being the detective with the most arrests in this precinct, I'm also amazing with puzzles and riddles. I went to a specialized camp dedicated to all puzzle and riddle related activities for three summers straight."_

_Jake's eyes lit up with glee, like how they always did when he found out some sort of dirt about Amy's past. "Whaaaaaat?"_

_Amy nodded. "Oh yeah. It's where I had my first kiss."_

_"No way."_

_"With a girl."_

_Jake's expression had a hint of levity now. "I can't believe you're telling me this."_

_Amy smirked. "Yeah, it's the truth. And also a way for me to shut you up while I show you more proof of why I'm going to catch The Riddler and you aren't." She opened the case file back up. "See this riddle here?" She took a few moments to read it. "I've already solved it. Vanderbilt Avenue. Queenie's Flower Shop."_

_Jake looked very impressed and if he were being honest, slightly turned on. "I-I figured that out too!"_

_Amy gave him a patronizing smile. "Sure you did."_

_And then she walked away._

_"I'll catch The Riddler before you Santiago! I'll bet whatever because I'm going to do it!"_

_"We already have a bet going on Peralta!" Amy responded without turning around. "And you're losing!"_

It was barely a month later when Jake and Amy's hopes came true. A chance to catch The Riddler had finally arrived.

Obviously, Jake had already put in place a careful and foolproof plan that would get him first dibs on any call about The Riddler striking in their precinct and not Amy.

_"Hey Charles, if we get any calls about The Riddler striking in our precinct could you make sure I get first dibs and not Santiago?"_

_"Sure thing, Jake."_

_"Thank you, Charles!" Jake called fondly before he went back to his paperwork._

_Amy looked up from her desk. "Jake, you know I can hear you, right?"_

_Jake nodded. "Yeah. That was the point. You better watch out, pumpkin. Because I'm serious about catching The Riddler."_

_Captain Holt walked by just then, clearing his throat loudly and giving Jake a look._

_"I mean- not pumpkin! Did I say pumpkin? Wow, that's just... crazy talk. I meant Amy. And not... pumpkin."_

_Captain Holt walked away._

_And Amy was too busy laughing to respond to Jake's taunt._

The day before the call came, Jake and Amy had been in the middle of a neck and neck situation for a week where they were both on a roll and super driven to one up each other to the point where it was scary. Eventually, they had reached the stage of desperation in which they went to Captain Holt's office together to beg for just one more case.

Which he gave. To Amy.

Therefore Jake could only sit at his desk and pout whilst Amy gloated about getting the case and how Holt probably gave it to her for being the better detective and more importantly, Holt's favorite detective.

But when Jake received news about The Riddler hitting up a pawn shop in their precinct, he thanked his lucky stars that Holt gave Amy that case yesterday, because she had left fifteen minutes ago to make the arrest and he knew she wouldn't be back in time to steal his glory.

"Charles you wanna come along with to catch The Riddler? Should be cool y'know, no one's ever caught them before and I'm about to make history."

Charles shook his head, looking absolutely torn about rejecting Jake. "So sorry, Jake. I have some last minute paperwork to do and I'm not allowed to go out on any cases until I'm done. Captain's orders. Get one of the beat cops to film you in action so I can watch it later!"

"I-I'll see what I can do, bud. Catch ya later!"

Jake arrived at the crime scene within ten minutes, letting the officers on the scene brief him about what had went down.

It was nothing out of the ordinary for The Riddler. And because there weren't any cameras in the pawn shop or street cameras facing the pawn shop, they were unable to identify anything about the theft except for the fact that it had happened.

"Okay so you're saying we have zero evidence here and finding anything new about The Riddler this time will be almost impossible?" Jake sighed. "That's just... great. The Riddler left a clue right?"

"Yes, sir." Replied the officer who had been filling Jake in. "It's right here."

The clue was a single slip of paper that said this:

_(5.6 -4.7 x 9.4 + 6.3/7.1)° (3.8 + 30.9 x 70.34/65)' (37.8292/7 -63.7 + 3.9 x 10.739)" N_

_(47.9/23 x 2.1 + 7.56 -0.367)° (47.9 x -84.89 + 9.8^3)' (23.098 - 5.86 + 43.3759)" W_

_If you get here fast enough, I'll be waiting. -The Riddler (apparently, it's what I'm referred to as)_

"It's coordinates! But I have to do math to get them? Aw crap, really? Of all times The Riddler decides _now_ is the perfect time to start giving math questions? Ugh, why does my life suck?"

The officers nearby gave Jake some strange looks, but he didn't have time to notice or comment on those looks because he was getting a call.

From Amy.

" _Santiago_! To what do I owe the pleasure?"

"Jake. I know you're at The Riddler's crime scene. I'm on my way there right now."

"What? No! You've got that- that other crime to solve, you can't come here!"

Amy chuckled. "Well sorry to burst your bubble Jake, but I can. I handed my case off to Rosa. She's getting full credit for the arrest."

"What? Why would you do that? Don't come here. I'm already on my way to see The Riddler. Note says they want to meet with us if we're fast enough. You'll just make things awkward if you're there. I think two cops would make things real crowded. They might be shy and only wanna see one-"

"Jake stop. I'm coming no matter what you say."

Jake groaned. "Fine, I guess- _I'll just have to solve it before you get here!_ "

"What? Jake-"

"Bye bye now!"

And then he hung up.

"Okay, okay. We don't have time, Joe. I gotta solve this thing. Oh god, numbers are so hard. Um, carry the one..." Jake looked up at Joe. "Then what? Do people even carry the one in math anymore? Has math changed since I left school?"

Joe just looked at a loss for words.

"I believe you should just use a calculator, Detective."

Jake's eyes lit up in realization. "A calculator! That's... yeah that's right. Okay. Getting out the calky-calc to solvey-solve..."

Jake pulled out his phone, his brow furrowed in concentration as he entered the numbers.

"Got it! Found the place. I'll just go catch The Riddler now, don't wait up y'all!"

Five minutes later on the drive to the supposed location Jake had tracked The Riddler to be waiting at, Amy called Jake again.

"Where are you?"

"Hey Santiago! Sorry to disappoint but- I'm already on my way to find The Riddler. So, better luck next time."

Amy let out a long sound of annoyance. "Jake, I told you to wait! And now I'm being told the clue's not even at the crime scene anymore?"

"Oh yeah, it's with me. C'mon, like I'm gonna leave it there and let you _beat_ me at the last second because you know all the fastest ways to everywhere? You're not stealing my thunder this time, Santiago. And I've got a whole storm."

Amy groaned. "How far away are you from the place The Riddler told you to go to?"

"Hmm lemme see... it's about- five minutes?"

"I'm not going to beat you when you're only five minutes away, Jake. Just give me the location."

"Fine, I'll text you the coordinates. But this is my case."

"Yeah, yeah." Amy sighed, before she hung up on him.

When Jake reached the place however, he wasn't able to locate The Riddler, or any of the jewelry, anywhere.

Desperately, he tried to recalculate the clue that The Riddler had given, but he always got the same answer. As far as Jake was concerned, this was the place.

Amy arrived about fifteen minutes later.

"Where's The Riddler? Did I miss them?" She called out desperately as she rushed toward Jake.

Jake shook his head. "They never showed."

Amy snatched the clue from Jake and read it. "Oh, it's just PEMDAS, thank god."

Jake had a confused look on his face. "What's PEMDAS?"

Amy looked very worried. "Oh no. I'm recalculating this."

Jake groaned. "Fine. There's a teensy tiny chance I may not have gotten the question right because it's math. But in my defense, this is the first time The Riddler ever decided to use math on us. It's not fair!"

Amy wasn't listening to Jake, just frantically recalculating the coordinates with the help of her phone.

"Got it! Jake, you were completely wrong."

When Jake and Amy got to the right place which was an abandoned building somewhere around their precinct, The Riddler was no where to be seen.

But a note was there. As was a bunch of jewelry.

_You were too late. I thought I had made things easy enough, but apparently the NYPD isn't bent on catching me. Better luck next time, Nine-Nine. And I had heard you folks had better detectives too. Guess I was wrong. Also here's all the jewelry I'm returning. Yeah, there's no next clue. Too bad. -The Riddler_

"Ugh, Jake! This is all your fault!" Amy scolded.

"My fault? How is this my fault?"

"Are you kidding me? You got the clue _wrong_ , then withheld the clue from me when I could have solved it much faster, _led_ us to the wrong place, and because of all that we're late and The Riddler will never come back to our precinct ever again!"

Jake huffed. "Come on, you're overreacting! The Riddler referred to our precinct by name! This is obviously a deliberate game. The Riddler probably heard that the Nine-Nine had one of New York's best detectives and wanted to go against someone who's worth their time. This isn't going to be the last we'll see of The Riddler, Amy."

"Okay- assuming you're referring to yourself as one of New York's best detectives, didn't you just prove The Riddler wrong by failing their supposedly 'easy' clue?"

Jake was tongue-tied. "You- _you're_ an easy clue!"

Amy had on a bewildered expression. "What's that even supposed to mean?"

"I don't know- let's just go back to the station."

When Jake and Amy finished reporting their findings about the case to Captain Holt, he let out a long sigh.

"You could've met The Riddler?"

"Yes Captain, but thanks to Jake we _completely_ blew it."

Jake looked at Amy with a betrayed expression, that she returned with an aloof shrug.

Captain Holt let out another sigh.

"Alright. Here's what we'll do- since Detective Peralta insists that The Riddler is not done with their... games with the Nine-Nine, we shall keep this case open."

"Yes!" Jake cheered.

"And since Detective Santiago was the one who successfully solved the riddle, you will be the primary on this case. Peralta will be your secondary."

" _Yes_!" Amy cheered, so caught up in the moment that she stuck her tongue out at Jake tauntingly, before remembering where she was and pursing her lips shut.

"What? No! And Captain- Santiago just stuck her tongue out at me! Doesn't that prove she doesn't have the level of _maturity_ required to face a hardened criminal such as The Riddler?"

"Peralta, please don't accuse someone else of... immaturity."

"Right, because of how often I do immature things. Good call."

"Anyway, Detective Santiago you are now dismissed. Peralta, I'd like you to remain here for a few minutes."

Flashing Jake a triumphant smile, Amy left.

"So Captain, I assume you asked me to hang back because you're making me the secret primary on The Riddler case and you only told Santiago she was the primary to make her feel better?"

Captain Holt's expression was unchanged.

"No."

"Yeah, it was a long shot."

"I asked you to remain behind because it has come to my attention that you lack even the most _rudimentary_ of mathematical knowledge and ability. I think you would benefit highly from some math lessons. The department will provide a tutor for you."

Jake couldn't believe this. "What? No! I- I refuse, Captain. I'm not going for math tutoring, what am I, twelve?"

"If you refuse to attend these tutoring classes I'll take you off The Riddler case."

"In that case I can't _wait_ and math is my favorite thing on planet earth now. Can I leave before you force me into any more classes? I've got a _ton_ of paperwork to do. And I know how much you love seeing me do paperwork, so..."

"You're dismissed, Peralta."

The next morning, Terry stopped by Jake's desk.

"We found you your math tutor, Peralta. It's... hey it's Santiago! Amy I didn't know you signed up to be a volunteer tutor for the department."

Amy looked up from her desk. "I... oh yeah, I did sign up for that." She was too engrossed in her paperwork to listen completely to what Terry had said.

Jake was shell-shocked by this revelation. "Wait a minute, you're teaching me?"

The reality finally dawned on Amy, a little too late. "Wait, I'm teaching _you_?"

"Captain!" Jake was already halfway to Captain Holt's office to protest when Amy got up from her desk to do the exact same thing.

"Captain! You can't make Santiago teach me math! What were you thinking? This is a terrible idea. It's also unfair and I will not stand idly by as I am-"

"Captain Holt when I signed up to be a volunteer tutor for the department I was under the impression that I would be helping at risk kids stay in school and develop a love for the academics..."

Captain Holt put his hand up, silencing Jake and Amy.

"The two of you are giving me a headache. One at a time, please."

"Captain, you can't make Santiago teach me math! Don't you know how humiliating it would be for me? I can't be involved in a high stakes bet with her _and_ learn about gross math stuff from her at the same time-"

Amy's face lit up when Jake said this. "Wait me being your teacher would be _humiliating_ for you?" She turned back to Captain Holt proudly. "I'm all in, Captain!"

She chuckled as she walked back to her desk.

"Captain, you can't-"

"You heard her, Peralta. I'm not changing my mind. You will be under Detective Santiago's tutelage until your knowledge of the mathematics has reached that of a satisfactory level. Dismissed."

Jake grimaced, suppressing his indignation. "Ugh! I hate my life!"

 


	2. i'm like pi baby, i'm really long and i go on forever

"Jake?" Amy called out as she paced toward the break room, empty notepads and teaching resources in her arms. She dragged out his name, making sure almost everyone could hear her. "Are you ready for class? Time to learn elementary-level math skills!" Her voice rang out patronizingly and teacher-like, all part of her plan to milk as much humiliation as possible from this tutoring situation.

"I'm already in the break room!" Jake called out, not a hint of dread or embarrassment in his voice. He actually seemed just as excited, just as patronizing as Amy had, which immediately made Amy very very suspicious. And slightly ticked, because Jake was supposed to be suffering, hating this, and she was supposed to gleam happiness from his pain, just as he had done so many times to her before.

She quite nearly got the shock of her life when she stepped into the break room. Jake was settled into one of the chairs around the table in the middle of the room, his legs disrespectfully propped up on top of it. His arms were crossed and he tried to look as suave as possible, all of which wasn't exactly unusual Jake behavior.

The one strange thing about this whole scene was Jake's attire. The entirety of it.

"Jake-" Amy began with a tense exhale. "What do you think you're wearing?"

He was dressed... exactly like a typical math professor. He had on a pair of glasses (which he didn't need, like at all), a tweed blazer, a white button down complete with frills along the buttons, suspenders, and even a bow tie.

Which was ridiculous. Jake was ridiculous. The only problem was that Amy found his look to be... it was really hot, okay?

"Oh, you mean my new look that I'll be sporting for every single math lesson to show everyone how seriously I'm taking this tutoring thing?" He straightened his blazer. "Meet Professor _Gordon Trigonometry_ , who charms all the ladies with his awesome knowledge." He stretched out his hand for a handshake, lips breaking out into a slight, restrained smile, very obviously satisfied with himself but trying not to show it.

Amy did not return the handshake, instead setting her stack of lesson materials down on the table with a bit of a loud smack, shocking Jake into a pleased smile.

"First of all, get your feet off the table." She chided, to which Jake obeyed immediately, albeit with an amused smirk.

"Okay Santiago- as hot as it is when you order me around like that, I think we need to keep our teacher- _handsome student_ relationship as pro _fesh_ as we can. Education comes first, is all I'm saying."

Amy sighed as she sat herself down on a chair across the table from Jake, doing her best to ignore him, ignore how he used the word 'hot' with regards to something she did, ignore how illegally good he looked in glasses.

"Second of all, 'Trigonometry' just isn't a last name, Jake. You can't just tack on a math term as your last name and think that makes you a math professor. It just doesn't work that way."

Jake crossed his arms. "Then who was 'Trigonometry' named after?"

Amy continued to ignore him. "Third of all, given the state of your math ability, I don't think you possess enough 'awesome' knowledge to impress _any_ ladies with." To this, Jake let out a light-hearted chuckle, her insult not getting to him at all, most likely because his math ability had little to no correlation with the state of his self-esteem, and also probably because he was trying to win Amy at this somehow, wasn't he? Trying to prove this wasn't humiliating for him at all, to have to learn basic math skills from her, his colleague he was always competing with.

"Oh, Amy. Math knowledge is not what I use to seduce anyone. I have plenty of knowledge in the 'bedroom' area to take care of that." He winked, and Amy swore she almost died on the spot. "But with your help, I'm sure I'll be getting everyone sinking to their knees within a few equations."

Amy squinted her eyes at Jake. "I'm just gonna ignore that. Anyway, last of all, before I carry on with the lesson- why are you wearing glasses? You don't need them at all, and wearing them could impair your vision."

"As I have said- my glasses are a part of my look. I need them to keep my Hot Math Professor character or it'll all just fall apart. Also-" He stuck his finger through his glasses. "No lensies! See? I'll be fine."

"You not wearing glasses will make you less of a fake math professor?" Amy asked incredulously.

"Exactly. _Now_ you're getting it!"

Amy rolled her eyes. "You know what? Forget it. Let's just begin."

 

* * *

 

"Hey Ames-" Jake called, ten minutes after she had assigned him a few order of operations questions to do.

"Yeah?" She asked, not looking up from her phone as she replied to a text from Kylie. Her poor friend was stuck working with yet another new weirdo of a colleague, and was providing Amy with constant updates of what the fedora-wearing freak was doing and saying.

"If I were cos^2 and you were sin^2, we would be one." He spouted awkwardly, almost as if he was reading it out from his phone, which he was.

Amy immediately put her phone down to look at Jake. "What are you doing?"

"Trying out math pick up lines on you. I didn't bring anything to change into, so I'm wearing this to Shaw's later. Gotta switch up my flirting technique to suit my hot intellectual look. Does this one work? I have no idea what it means." He explained, still scrolling through his phone, possibly looking for more math-related pick up lines.

"Didn't I give you work to do?" She reminded, shaking her head as she glanced at her phone. No new messages. "Also, sin^2 + cos^2 = 1 is an extremely basic trigonometric rule, Jake. Isn't that something Professor _Gordon Trigonometry_ himself should know?"

"Whatever. Also, I was done with the questions five minutes ago. After you explained them it was really easy." Jake slid the papers forward to Amy, who sighed as she took them and began marking. He got every single one right. She didn't know whether to be impressed however, since this was a skill Jake should've mastered over twenty years ago instead of... five minutes ago.

"Anyway, try this one for size: I'll be the numerator if you'll be the denominator."

Amy's face scrunched up in confusion. "What does that one mean?"

"According to this explanation I just asked you to be under me tonight. Damn, who knew math was so kinky?"

Amy's entire face went red as she thought of fractions, amongst other things that involved someone referring to themselves as a 'numerator' being on top of someone else, whom they referred to as a 'denominator'.

"Okay, that's enough Jake. No more math pick up lines."

"I'd like to plug my solution into your equation- too sexual?"

Amy felt the air get sucked out from her lungs. "Yes, too sexual. Stop, and do more questions. _Here._ " She desperately shoved a new worksheet in Jake's face, who chuckled and got to work. Amy received another text from Kylie and heaved a sigh of relief, thankful for the welcome distraction. Soon, she was at peace again.

But no less than five minutes later, this peace was disrupted by Jake.

"Hey Amy- if you were a triangle, you'd be a _cute_ one. How's that?"

"Jake, for the last time- stop it with the math pickup lines and _focus_." Amy scolded, but the slightest blush crept up her cheeks, threatening to give her away.

"I am focusing, Ames. I mean- the fact that I used the word acute means I know what it means!" He declared proudly. "And I'm using less sexual pick up lines now, since they're making you so uncomfortable."

Amy reached forth and took Jake's completed worksheet to mark. He got them all right again. "Okay smarty-pants, what does 'acute' mean?"

Jake was tongue-tied as he desperately tried to Google it, making Amy laugh.

"It's a sharp angle?"

Amy shrugged. "An angle less than 90 degrees. But close enough." She handed him another worksheet.

"I'm like pi baby, I'm really long and I go on forever."

"Jake-"

"What's going on?" Just then, Gina and Rosa walked in, carrying their various lunches.

"Jake keeps trying to use math pick up lines on me." Amy complained.

"What are you two doing here?" Jake asked.

"What, just because you need to learn math we don't need to eat lunch anymore?" Gina retorted. "Make room, you two."

Jake and Amy moved some of their worksheets aside, and Gina and Rosa sat down next to them.

"Anyway, why are you using math pick up lines on Santiago?" Rosa asked with mild interest, starting in on her meal.

"I didn't bring anything to change out of this, so I'm going to use math to flirt with anyone I'm interested in later?" Jake explained, as if it was an obvious conclusion one was supposed to easily draw.

"You look like a huge nerd." Gina remarked.

 _A huge hot nerd, which is the whole problem here,_ Amy thought.

"Agreed." Said Rosa. "You really think this is gonna work? Fifty bucks says you won't get more than three numbers."

"You won't even get _one_ number." Amy added to rub it in. This caused Jake to scowl at her childishly.

"Fifty bucks says he'll get at least five numbers." Gina interjected, causing all three of them to look at her in confusion. "What? I _raised_ this boy. If he can't get at least five numbers from gullible chicks that dig the nerd look then what does that say about me?"

Jake smiled. "Fair enough. Okay- so if I get at least five phone numbers dressed in this at Shaw's later, Rosa and Amy have to pay Gina and I fifty dollars each. Which to be clear, is a total of a hundred dollars from each of you skeptical jerks."

"Wow, your math is getting better already." Gina praised, almost tauntingly at the girls. "Good job, Santiago."

"Whatever. But if you lose, Rosa and _I_ are getting that hundred."

"Don't count on it, Santiago." Jake retorted. "I'd get out two fifties if I were you."

 

* * *

 

To Amy's dismay and Rosa's amusement, Jake actually won.

He was already on his fifth phone number within the first hour of reaching Shaw's, and had returned to the table triumphantly with all five numbers written over half-used napkins and unwanted receipts.

"See? I did it. Pay up, you two." Jake began to undo his bow tie, relief flooding his face as he pulled it off from his neck. "This suit gets hotter by the second." He removed his tweed blazer and began to roll up the sleeves of his shirt. Amy tried not to notice how her eyes kept staring at his forearms.

Sighing, Amy reached for her wallet, only to be stopped by Rosa.

"Wait. Hold on." Rosa looked up at at Jake and Gina, who were holding their hands out expectantly. "Let's make it double or nothing."

They all looked at her. "Double or nothing?" Amy asked. "Are you crazy?"

"Double or nothing..." Jake considered as he rubbed his hands together. "I'm in. Gina?"

"Okay. If you fail you're paying everything though." She warned.

"Don't forget your nerd costume. It's part of the rules." Rosa reminded as she tossed Jake his bow tie. He groaned as the realization that he had to re-wear everything dawned on him.

"Can't I just not use the tie?"

"Nope. Part of the rules. The bet was that you wouldn't be able to get as many girls' numbers with your nerd suit. We're not testing your general flirting ability." Rosa pointed out, having fun making Jake suffer.

Jake groaned and put the bow tie back on. "Fine."

Rosa turned to Amy. "You in?"

Amy nodded. She wasn't exactly having fun watching Jake flirt with all those girls, but who was she to ruin everyone's fun right? "Yeah, I'm in."

So Jake went off to flirt with more girls, and they all watched.

"What's wrong, Santiago? You look weird. Are you that afraid of losing a hundred bucks?" Rosa asked a few minutes later. Apparently, Amy had not been as good at masking her displeasure as she had initially thought.

" _Two_ hundred bucks," Gina reminded, shutting up only when Rosa gave her a look.

"What? No. It's not the money. I don't care about the money." Amy explained, still looking sullen.

Gina looked at Amy and then back at Jake, then back at Amy again. "Wait, are you jealous because Jake's flirting with all these girls?"

"What? No! I mean... _maybe?_ " Amy admitted. She had no better cover story anyway. Maybe she should've pretended to be angry about the money.

Rosa and Gina shared a look.

"You like Jake?" Rosa asked.

"No!" Amy protested immediately. "It's just- his look. Right now. _I don't know!_ " She downed her beer, which had previously been untouched, in one go, which impressed Gina and Rosa.

"Woah, wait- you think Jake's 'hot math professor' look is cute?" Gina laughed. "Who knew you had a geek kink? Never mind- actually that kinda explains a lot."

Amy sighed. "I guess? The glasses... the tweed... it's weirdly working for me?"

"So what, you wanna bone him?" Rosa asked.

Amy almost flinched. "What? No! I just- I just- no. We can't, anyway. We work together. It would be, bad."

"Okay, whatever you say girl." Gina said with an almost infuriating shrug, as if she didn't believe Amy for a second.

Amy ordered another drink, and Gina and Rosa continued to watch Jake (respectfully and mathematically) hitting on girls for their numbers.

And he actually succeeded again, to Rosa and Amy's chagrin, and his and Gina's excitement.

"Pay up, you two!" Jake demanded jubilantly. Amy and Rosa dug through their wallets for cash and handed a hundred each to Jake and Gina.

Rosa checked through all ten numbers, verifying that they were all different and genuine. "So, you gonna call any of these girls?"

Jake shrugged. "Maybe, although I was too focused on getting their numbers to really notice any of them. We'll see. A few dates won't hurt me." He took in Amy's state and the number of empty drinks in front of her, looking both amused and concerned.

"Santiago drank all these?" Jake asked.

Gina and Rosa nodded in confirmation.

"You okay?" Jake asked Amy, who had her head rested against the table.

"What?" She asked. "Ooh, you're spinning Jake. Everything's spinning."

"Okay, and she's had _way_ too much. Let's get you home, Ames." Jake helped Amy up and steadied her. "See you guys tomorrow!" He said in farewell to Gina and Rosa.

As he guided Amy to the exit, grabbing their coats along the way, Gina and Rosa could only give each other knowing looks. Jake had left all the girls' phone numbers on the table, forgetting about them completely in favor of taking care of Amy.

 

* * *

 

Jake and Amy's second math lesson took place about a week later. Charles, upon discovering all the phone numbers Jake had left behind at the bar that night, had taken the liberty to keep them, and forced Jake to go on all the dates with these ladies.

"I met all of them at the bar, Charles. Most of them were drunk and probably want nothing to do with me. Besides, I don't have that much time to date. I'm too busy saving the city." Jake had argued as Charles insisted he text those girls and ask them out.

"But Jake- one of these girls could be your one true love! You'll never know until you try, and when you fall madly in love you'll thank me. Plus, you have most of next week free- use this week to go out with all of them! Don't you want to find someone?" Charles had retorted insistently.

Jake eventually agreed, and thus began the most annoying week of Amy's life. That morning when Charles convinced Jake to ask all those ten girls out hadn't been very pleasant to begin with given her horrible hangover. And well, every single morning that Charles interrogated Jake about his dates weren't fun conversations to hear.

"So how was girl #3?"

"We hooked up, although she made me keep on my glasses and tweed blazer the whole time. But... I guess I got the appeal." Jake said with an almost proud shrug.

"I'm sure you look great in just a tweed blazer and glasses, Jake." Charles said with a pat on Jake's back. "You gonna see her again?"

"She said she'd call me, so who knows? Maybe."

The image of Jake in just a tweed blazer and glasses did nothing to soothe Amy's nerves.

"So how was girl #6?"

"She was pretty cute. Likes Die Hard, so we watched the Die Hard movies together. She gave me a kiss goodbye afterwards." Amy felt sour hearing this.

"That's sweet, Jake. You gonna marry her?"

That one caused Amy to get up and leave to have a smoke in the back alley behind the precinct. She was gone for almost half an hour, when one smoke turned into two and then three.

"So how was girl #8?"

"She found out I wasn't an actual math professor, so she splashed my face with a drink and left. Can't really blame her, though."

Okay, _that_ one was funny. Amy had laughed.

"Oh, come on, Santiago. The drink got into my eye and almost blinded me! Have some pity for your cute coworker."

Amy laughed even harder. "You almost went blind? That just makes it even better!"

Jake shook his head as his lips curled into a smile, Amy's laugh contagious as ever in that it made him happier just to see her in such joy, made him feel lighter and warmer inside.

"But, as with dates #4 and #7 which also failed," Amy may or may not have smiled upon hearing this. "I just called the next girl and went on date #9, like you told me to."

Charles had beamed. "Great! So how was it?"

"Kinda boring. But nice. She's super rich so she insisted on paying. I got a free dinner."

"That's a win right there, Jakey."

Okay, so Jake didn't end up falling in love with any of those girls, to no one's surprise. But it was still annoying for Amy to have to hear about them every morning.

Not because she _liked_ Jake or anything. It was just annoying because it reminded her that she hadn't been on a date in a while.

Enter: Kylie, who set Amy up with one of her cousins, who was newly single and very rich.

"Bring your A-game for Stanley, Mimi. He's sickeningly rich and if you manage to lock him down I'll be able to shamelessly ask him for money when I'm broke." Kylie had advised.

"You're kidding, right?" Amy had said with a snort.

"Not even a little. He has a _lot_ of money. Ooh! You gotta bring out the pencil skirt."

Amy almost blushed at the thought of that little black number, sitting in the back of her closet because she never saw the value in wearing it to work or... anywhere, to be frank. She stuck to pantsuits at work, and jeans outside of work, with the occasional dress for special occasions.

"What? That... skirt? Why?"

"Yup. That pencil skirt which does _wonders_ for your ass- plus that white blouse that gets people staring. That'll do it. One more thing! Wear those black-framed glasses I got you."

Amy almost rolled her eyes. "The ones with no lenses? The ones I almost threw away?"

Kylie chuckled. "Yes. Those glasses. Just wear contacts underneath!"

Amy sighed. "Kylie, are you dressing me up for a date or to film a dirty movie?"

"A bit of both? What can I say, Stanley has a bit of a type. All the rich ones do."

Amy groaned. "I don't like the sound of that."

"He's a nice dude! Who's like, really rich so it would be amazing if the two of you hit it off. Oh yeah- wear red lipstick. That's just incredibly important."

"You know I have work right before the date right? I don't have time to change afterwards. And I'll have to wear your ridiculous ensemble all day in front of all my coworkers?"

Kylie only laughed in response. "Good. It's time they appreciated that ass of yours."

" _Kylie!_ "

"Send me a selfie of you when you reach work tomorrow! I want to see everything in order."

And then Kylie hung up.

 

* * *

 

Amy actually did exactly what Kylie said. She wore that white blouse, she rocked that black pencil skirt, she put on those stupid lensless glasses, and she even rolled on a few coats of scarlet red on her lips. She felt absolutely ridiculous, but she did it all.

There was actually no need for her to put on any lipstick or stupid lensless glasses until after work- but Amy was feeling confident. Her attire wasn't considerably inappropriate for the workplace; it was just different from her usual choice of wardrobe. Plus Kylie wanted a selfie, so what could Amy do?

(She even found a thin pair of black pantyhose, and just out of curiosity she put it on. And... it turned out looking fantastic, so much so that she kept them on.)

Amy took a selfie in her house and sent it to Kylie before she went for work.

_Kylie: nICE TOUCH WITH THE BLACK PANTYHOSE!! i still need evidence that ur wearing this to work tho, so you still owe me that #workselfie_

_Amy: What is it with you and wanting me to wear this to work??_

_Kylie: u r not appreciated enough!! like those people that make fun of u for wearing boring stuff r wrONG bc your pantsuits arent boring?? okay maybe some of them but WHATEVER you love those pantsuits even though i want to burn a few of them_

_Amy: You're getting off topic._

_Kylie: but yeah?? you look really good in other stuff?? you need to show those people that see you as this prim, proper, boring prude. Well u r prim & proper and thats gr8 but you ain't boring. OH YEAH THAT DUDE JAKE THAT MAKES FUN OF YOU YOU GOTTA SHOW HIM (i still stand by the fact that he has a thing for you, which is why you gotta really mess with him)_

_Amy: Jake... does not have a thing for me_

_Kylie: whatever u say bud_

_Amy: And well I don't think I could ever mess with him more than he's messed with me. Did I tell you how he dressed up as a "Hot Math Professor" the other day? On our first math tutoring lesson??_

_Kylie: oh my god_

_Amy: I know right that is just so. I don't even know what to say anymore._

_Kylie: hot?_

_Amy: He had this stupid tweed jacket and glasses that HE DOESN'T EVEN NEED although they didn't have any lenses so... anyway it was stupid._

_Amy: HOT KYLIE OH GOD I CANNOT BELIEVE YOU_

_Kylie: damn you wanted to do him on the table didnt you_

_Amy: shut up_

_Kylie: OH!! THIS COULD BE YOUR REVENGE!! im so glad i forced u to wear all this to work don't forget to bend over once in a while so he sees your assssssss_

_Amy: KYLIE STOP_

_Kylie: i will?? never stop?? tell me if he gets a boner_

_Amy: I HATE YOU_

_Amy: I'm at work now sending you my stupid work selfie GOODBYE_

_Kylie: okay have fun teaching Jake math and by that I mean 6, 9, and 69. those crucial numbers ;) also show him who's boss MAKE HIM WANT YOU_

_Kylie: ...and don't forget to seduce my cousin later LMAO I FEEL SO BAD ABOUT THAT NOW_

_Kylie: now that you have such a hot passionate love affair with your co-worker ;)_

_Amy: DON'T YOU HAVE A JOB TO GET TO_

As always, when Amy got to the precinct, Jake was nowhere to be seen. They had planned a morning math tutoring session too, so Amy hoped for Jake's sake that he wasn't late.

She got a few stares when she walked into the bullpen and made her way to her desk, which was a little uncomfortable for Amy to be frank. The early morning rush of confidence had mostly wore off and now she just felt awkward. Was it too late to change?

It was. Gina and Rosa were drawn to her like magnets when Amy walked in and were quick to note her outfit.

"Someone pinch me- what happened to Amy?" Gina exclaimed as the two girls made their way to her. "Did you finally see the light and burn all your pantsuits? Or did I fall into an alternate dimension where you have _actual_ fashion sense?"

Amy rolled her eyes. "I'm going on a date after work. And no- I didn't burn any of my pantsuits."

"You're way too dressed up for 'just a date'. What's happening- you reconnecting with an ex and you're trying to show him who won?" Rosa guessed with an amused smirk.

Amy shook her head. "No. My friend Kylie set me up with a rich cousin of hers who just got out of a relationship. She wants me to marry him so that she can ask him for money if she's ever broke."

Gina and Rosa nodded in appreciation.

"Good plan."

"I like this Kylie. How'd you two become friends again?"

Amy rolled her eyes. "Whatever. Anyway- have either of you seen Jake? We have a lesson soon and he's... not here."

"Oh, Jake's changing into his Professor look right now. Should be out from the men's room soon." Gina informed.

Rosa gave Gina a look. "Jake's coming? And he's gonna have to see _that?_ " She said, gesturing to Amy. The realization made Gina burst into laughter.

"Oh god- Amy, we wanna sit in on your math lesson."

 

* * *

 

"Jake, hurry up- your math lesson's starting!" Gina and Rosa chorused as Amy set up her markers, writing 'FRACTIONS' in block letters on the whiteboard.

"I'm on my way! Professor Gordon Trigonometry is never late- oh, I'm two minutes late. Never mind, scratch that last bit!"

Jake entered the break room, almost waltzing in, stopping short when he saw Amy.

Suddenly, his mouth, throat, heck- even his lungs went dry when he saw Amy. And then she turned around and it got even worse. What was she wearing? Where was her sensible pantsuit? She was wearing _glasses?_ Was that- black pantyhose? He could see her knees kinda? Did he have a thing for knees now? Oh god. Her blouse. She was wearing _lipstick_ too?

Needless to say, Jake was on the precipice of death. And not the peaceful, _he passed away in his sleep aww_ kind of death- it was- okay Jake couldn't even _think_ of what kind of death this was because of how Amy's ass looked in that skirt, but the point was it was a _terrible_ death, and Jake was _dying._

"Jake, you're late."

He struggled to pull himself together. "Sure am. Late is me. I'm... late."

"Someone looks uncomfortable." Hitchcock pointed out, and it was then that Jake realized Hitchcock and Scully were in the room.

"What are you two doing here?" He asked, as if outraged.

"Santiago's wearing a skirt." Scully explained innocuously.

Gina and Rosa were snickering at Jake's flustered demeanor, which caused him to turn his attention to them.

"And what are _you_ two doing here?"

Rosa crossed her arms, a sly look on her face. "Same exact reason."

Although true, Gina and Rosa were mostly there to witness Jake's Death. And it was hella worth it so far.

"This is supposed to be a private class!"

"Wow Jake- Santiago wears one skirt and suddenly we've gotta scram? You disloyal little _bitch._ " Gina chided teasingly.

Amy rolled her eyes as she finished writing out the last of 'FRACTIONS' on the board.

"Jake, just sit down." She instructed, getting out her worksheets on fractions.

He obeyed, but he was still very obviously distracted. And confused.

"Why are you- like- why are you wearing a skirt? And glasses? And red lipstick?" He asked, questions firing rapidly out of his mouth.

She sighed. "Not that it's any of your business- but I'm going on a date later."

Jake's face seemed to falter at this, although Amy didn't see anything because she was flipping through her math notes.

"Whatever the reason, it looks _hot._ " Hitchcock remarked, making everyone groan in disgust.

"That's it, you two. Time to get out." Gina scolded.

"That's not fair!" Scully protested.

"You being here as long as you have is already way too unfair- to the rest of us." Rosa retorted.

"Well- we need math lessons too!" Hitchcock turned to Scully. "Let's take this to Captain Holt."

And then they left.

"Okay, what kind of date needs you to wear fake glasses- because I can see your frames, Santiago. No lensies."

Amy looked at Jake incredulously. "You're wearing glasses without lenses too. Right now, in fact."

"Yeah, but I didn't do it for a date!"

Amy rolled her eyes. "Boyle!"

Charles walked in. "Yeah, Amy?"

"On the ten dates that you made Jake go on last week-"

Charles pointed his finger approvingly at Amy. " _In his quest for true love._ "

"To... to help him find true love- how many dates did he wear glasses with no lenses?"

"Oh, all of them."

Amy smirked at Jake, who looked away with a grimace.

"All of them? Interesting. _Thanks Charles._ "

"Anytime." And then he returned to his desk, presumably to do paperwork.

Amy folded her arms. "So- you wore this ensemble on every of the ten dates you went on last week. But I can't wear fake glasses?"

Jake sighed. "Okay fine- you made your point. But why are you wearing fake glasses? It just doesn't seem like something you'd do ever, let alone on a date."

"You don't need to know that." She turned around and began writing some fractions on the board.

Jake settled into a smile and crossed his arms to match Amy's stance. "Fine, then I'll just assume you're _lying_ about the date and you're dressing up as a hot math teacher to seduce me into paying attention during lessons. Which is not how you should conduct classes, Ames. I'm very disappointed."

Amy got very provoked when he said this. "What? Are you-" Causing her to drop her marker on the floor. "Oh crap." She bent over to pick it up, which caused Gina and Rosa to give her a round of applause.

She groaned. "Oh, grow up you two."

"Tell that to Jake." Gina retorted.

Amy chose to ignore this, turning back to Jake in order to pick up their argument where they had left off.

"I am not trying to seduce you into listening in class. Again, not like you need to know but- Kylie set me up with her cousin. He's rich, and she told me to dress like this okay?"

Jake made a face. "I don't like the sound of this guy."

"Doesn't matter whether you do. Now- can we finally start on fractions?"

In the distance, they heard Captain Holt sternly refuse Hitchcock and Scully's appeals to be given math lessons just like Jake had, which was just pathetic to watch, if anything.

Jake spent the entire lesson distracted, and couldn't learn properly that day. Even if it had been Amy's intention to seduce him into listening, it was a move that only served to backfire.

Amy ended the lesson early, and they went about their day, mostly doing paperwork more than anything. Jake had been distracted from that too. Amy's determination to wear her fake glasses all day seemed almost purposeful, like it was meant to provoke him.

But to be fair, he didn't take his fake glasses off for the entire day either.

Hours later, Amy received a rather unfortunate text from Kylie.

_Kylie: yo sorry to tell you this bud but- Stanley got back together with his girlfriend... it's a very dramatic story? I'm really sorry but the date's off! Did you manage to cause an uproar at work at least?_

Amy had groaned about this to Gina and Rosa, which may have made Jake a little happy to know that the date had been cancelled. And a little relieved. Not because he liked Amy or anything- the rich dude just sounded like bad news. Jake was just being a good friend.

Right?

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Omg pls... like this?? I have like very thorough plans for this fic and like... I hope everyone likes it so far?? also lmao sorry for taking over a month to update

**Author's Note:**

> The coordinates in the clue left by The Riddler will not end up being legit coordinates if you calculate them bc I do not want to do the math and also I do not know coordinates for places in New York. Sorry lol
> 
> Also I hope you enjoyed this! Pls leave me kudos and comment if you liked this bc validation is my oxygen and encouragement is the blood that runs through my veins


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